To Put or Not to Put

I walked to the back of the class. The meeting with Khushi felt surreal. I sat down on the bench and closed my eyes and tried to remember the whole thing in my head. Her face appeared first and then the time we spent at Cheta’s started to play in my head. Just then, Nitesh nudged my elbow. He pulled me out of the black hole from a point of no return to the real world. “Look, look,” he said, pointing in the direction of Tanya. He was gazing at her buttcrack and wanted me to catch a glimpse. Tanya was leaning over and talking to Raj in the row ahead of her. Nitesh waited for moments like this. Once, Shalini, wore a short dress to college and Nitesh lost his mind. He looked at her and said, “You could fry momos on those legs.”

“Eh, Nurra, what’s wrong with you da,” Noor butted in, as Nitesh and I were looking in Tanya’s direction. Nitesh was called Nurra since school. Nitesh failed 11th and had to repeat a year. His accounts professor told him to have Nutraj walnuts for his memory. Students in his class started calling him Nutraj. Nutraj gradually became Nurra. Nitesh happily adopted the name because it made him somewhat popular.

“Nothing’s wrong with me. Getting a glimpse of a buttcrack of a girl is as rare as the Northern Lights appearing in June,” Nurra defended.

The bell rang for the second period. Meera ma’am entered class. We all stood up and wished her good morning. Meera ma’am taught us Business Studies. She was quite cool and never used a text book. All she discussed was real business case studies.

“Today, we shall discuss Ben & Jerry’s icecream,” she said. “Ben & Jerry’s is facing competition from new icecream brands. How should they grow their business despite this change?” She threw the question wide open. And the regulars from the class raised hands and voiced their opinion. The class went on with new ideas and discussions and debates. Nurra contributed with some ideas that were appreciated by Meera ma’am. He was not the textbook kinda guy so this kinda shit helped him step out of the ‘Nutraj’ tag that was given to him.

The bell rang. We had one more hour of statistics left. I couldn’t wait for the lunch bell to tell Nurra and Noor about my first-hour odyssey with Khushi. I was very hungry too. My stomach was growling and my brain was craving for a smoke. It reminded me of Ramadan and how I would fast for 15 hours and wait to break my fast after sunset. But the irony in Ramadan was that after a few bites I’d be full. Maybe that’s how small the worldly pleasures of life are in comparison to real soulful experiences.

The lunch bell rang. The nicotine-dependent crowd stormed out like animals released from a zoo. I was one of them, but today was different. I timed my movement according to Khushi. I watched her tidy her desk and arrange her books in her bag. I walked behind her as she started to walk out of the class. And then I increased my pace and joined her at the staircase. She smiled at me and we walked down together. I wanted that moment to last forever but when you’re happy and you know it time passes by really fast.

We reached the main gate and I said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, tomorrow… bye,” she said, smiling, as she waited for an auto.

I crossed the busy road and joined Nurra and Noor who were smoking outside Vinayak’s shop. I bought a cigarette and tea and joined the conversation they were having.

“What’s your lunch scene?” Nurra asked me.

“Khazana only…” I said.

Noor and Nurra nodded in acceptance of my suggestion. We did Khazana’s on Saturday; it was our regular.

“Boys, I’ve got some news,” I said, after blowing out smoke on their faces.

“What?” Noor asked.

“I… I spoke to Khushi today.”

“Holy shit! How the fuck did that happen?” Noor said, raising his eyebrows in shock.

“Long story short: Saleem’s stories and an auto driver who didn’t have change made it happen.”

“Bastard, tell properly da,” Nurra said.

I told them about yesterday evening’s drinking scene, the morning headache, meeting Saleem at Makkah Tea House and how I was stuck behind Khushi’s auto. And then how one thing led to another.

“Gandu, you finally drank?” Nurra asked. He was more excited that I drank than that I spoke to Khushi.

“Yeah, I –”

“This calls for a treat at Chin Tun,” Nurra continued.

“What about lunch then?” I asked.

“First we drink then everything else,” Nurra said.

We stubbed our cigarettes and walked toward Chin Tun. Chin Tun was on the edge of Brigade Road. It was a shady grub pub which had all sorts of people visit it. We climbed two floors and found a table in one of the corners. I didn’t feel too guilty about drinking because Noor drank too.

The waiter came to our table and asked us our order.

“Three Monks with Coke?” Nurra looked at us.

“Coke,” Noor said.

“Coke,” I said.

“And one peanut masala,” Nurra completed the order.

“How was your first kuddics session?” Noor asked, referring to my first time alcohol experience at Purple Haze.

“It was good… felt free… I sent also after that.”

“It’s the alcohol in your blood that gave you the balls to talk to Khushi,” Nurra said. Nurra found every opportunity to get people to drink alcohol. “And the weed just made you less anxious.”

“That happened last night — but if it wasn’t for the headache — maybe it wouldn’t have happened,” I said.

“What’s the Khushi situation now?” Noor asked.

“I’m meeting her for lunch tomorrow,” I said.

“Oh solid da,” Noor said.

“Any first date tips, boys?” I asked.

“Just have things to talk about… awkwardness can kill the first date,” Noor said.

“Give her a hug when you meet her… it’s the starting point of all action,” Nurra said. “Whatever it is don’t shake her hand on the first date.”

“Boys, speaking of action — Roja wants me to put it in,” Noor said.

“So, what’s your fuck up?” Nurra asked. “Put the goddamn thing in.”

“But, I don’t think I’m ready,” Noor said.

“Thoo. This is why I stare at buttcracks and cleavages because I don’t get opportunities like this,” Nurra rebuked. “You have an opportunity to make a dent in the universe. Bastard, what are you not ready for?”

“She’s in love with me. And this will mean that I’m in love with her too. But, I’m not in love. I don’t want to go through the mess once we break up,” Noor explained.

“The breakup is going to be messy irrespective if you put it in or not,” Nurra said.

“But, I can at least avoid the ‘you deflowered me’ talk,” Noor said.

“God gives gifts to the wrong people,” Nurra said, taking a large sip from his glass. “I would have watered the flower and started the process of florescence.”

“Nurra, you chut, what are you even saying?” Noor said, squinting his eyes in response to Nurra’s statement.

The waiter came in at the right time and asked if we needed anything else. We ordered another round and munched on peanut masala till then. And in that moment of awkwardness a man in his early forties approached our table.

“Sir, I don’t have money for buss pass. Please help this kind soul,” he said, looking at Nurra.

“How much do you need?” Nurra asked.

“Thirty rupees, sir,” he said.

“Oh just the right amount to buy a 30 of rum,” Nurra said sarcastically.

Nurra invited him to join our table. Noor looked at him with piercing eyes. Nurra signalled the waiter for another Old Monk.

“Thank you, dear sir,” the man said, reaching out for Nurra’s hand.

“Sit, please sit,” Nurra said, avoiding the handshake to point at the empty chair.

The man sat and didn’t stop speaking. He spoke about his love life and how he was ditched by this girl in college.

“She made me depressed. I numb the pain with Monk, sir,” he said.

Then he sang an old Hindi song to feel out his emotions:

Tere bina zindagi se

Koyi shikwa to nahi

Shikwa nahi shikwa

Nahi shikwa nahi

Tere bina zindagi bhi

Lekin zindagi to nahi

Zindagi nahi zindagi

Nahi zindagi nahi

Tere bina zindagi se

Shikwa to nahi

“Why did you invite him to our table da?” Noor said, looking psyched.

“Nurra, you should have just given him the cash and let him go,” I said.

“But it’s your treat da –” he began before I cut him off.

“I’m not paying for this guy’s drinks,” I said.

Nurra realised that the guy was becoming a menace. We quickly finished round three. I paid the bill and treated a stranger to sing old Hindi songs and numb his pain with alcohol.

We left Chin Tun and walked to Khazana which was a kilometre away. Noor walked ahead of us. Nurra and I sluggishly followed him. My head was buzzing and my stomach was roaring.

It was 4:30. Khazana was not as crowded as it usually is between 1:30 to 3:30 in the afternoon. But most of the tables were still occupied. We sat at a table that was being cleaned. Nurra placed the order even before we could sit. There were no fancy menus here. There were only two special dishes available: beef biryani and chicken kebab. We sat down and didn’t speak. We just waited for the food. Five minutes later the waiter placed plates and glasses. And seconds later, he plonked the biryani vessels on our table. We just ate. There were no words exchanged except when I asked for a ThumsUp.

Nurra was the first to finish.

“Now this is what you call a good meal after a few drinks,” he said.

We didn’t respond. Noor was still trying to scrap out meat for the last few bites of rice remaining. I still had half left. I couldn’t finish mine. I left a few bites for the devil.

The bill was only 250 for three biryanis, a portion of kebab and one soft drink. Khazana was a true treasure nested in the narrow lanes of Richmond Town.

We dragged ourselves back to college. It was one of the longest walks I’d ever done. I was in a food coma and just wanted to sit somewhere. We reached Vinayak’s and sat at the steps of a sweet shop next to his.

I closed my eyes and snoozed for a bit. It was 5:45 when I woke up. I was still yawning. We had one final cup of tea and smokes and just watched the traffic go by. Watching people cross the road, vehicles honk and zoom past is a great way to slow down the mind’s thinking process and be in the present moment.

I left college at 6:10 and reached home when my mom was finishing her maghrib namaz. I quietly entered my room and passed out on the my bed. I woke up after a few hours and checked the time on my phone. It was 1a.m. There was a message from Noor that read: I put it in.